Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Several Updates

It has been a few days since I've posted but I've had a great excuse. My computer died completely and I had to go and purchase another one. It was due time but I still hated to spend the money especially with the trip we will be making to Ky very soon for Mikes homecoming.

So anyhow I think I mentioned that I had been doing the new WW plan. I may have also mentioned that I hadn't really been losing any weight with it so I went to see a nutritionist. He basically told me that I wasn't eating nearly enough and that my metabolism was in one word, 'fried'. I needed to rewire it and get it working again and the only way to do that was as contrary as it seems was to feed my body far more calories than I have been giving it. We figured that with the WW plan I was eating about 1,000 to 1200 calories per day which if I did nothing but sit on a couch all day may be ok but since I workout like crazy it is not conducive to weight loss. Based on my age, weight and activity levels I need approx 1641 calories per day in order to lose weight and that is based on working out and burning about 400 calories per day during a 5 day a week workout schedule. If I were to begin working out more than that or if I were to slow down my workouts then I'd need to readjust my daily calories. Even this isn't apparently enough with my shot metabolism so Im calorie cycling which basically means that on a couple days I will eat very high calories, on a couple days I will go down to the lowest amount of about 1200. The rest of the days I'd eat a moderate amount of around 1400 per day. I've also been told that in the first couple of weeks I may not lose any weight at all but that I should not be discouraged because it could take a month to give my metabolism the  jolt it needs . I've agreed to give it a shot and I'm doing the best I can with food choices and I am counting my calories.

Paul got in last night from his TDY. I was a little mad at him because he smoked while he was gone. He wasn't going to tell me but I smelled it on him. He fessed up and apologized. I asked him if he really wants to not smoke because if he is going to sneak around behind my back I'd rather him just tell me he doesn't not want to stop. He told me that he doesn't want to, he does want to stop and that when he is gone its harder and he doesn't know why he does it. I sort of think its bullshit.

Well it looks like my boy is in single digits as far as his deployment goes. I am so happy that I can't stand it. I am so looking forward to hugging his neck. I just wish I could see Travis too. Maybe one day he too will have his life together. I pray for that everyday.

So that is it for now. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next weeks hold.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

I'm beautiful just the way I am damnit!

I woke up this  morning and went for a run. It wasn't a super long run and it wasn't super fast. I'd say I covered about 4 miles. It took me close to 45 minutes. It was really hot outside even at 7:30 this morning but I was enjoying myself. It hit after I'd actually made it without walking up a pretty significant hill that I'm pretty amazing. More amazing than I give myself credit for. Sure I say I am strong but then I follow it up with something negative and when you think about it that makes it not count ya know. Anyhow as I kept on running I started really focusing on all the things about me that are pretty neat and it just got me to feeling so stinking good. There really is something to this whole positive thinking thing. It's nice of course when someone tells you something nice about yourself but when you can see the greatness that is you well then that is something else. During my run rather than singing along with Eminem (a damn fine poet if I say so) I said affirmations and when I could think of none I repeated those I had already said. Here are a few I came up with: I am strong, really strong. Ask Paul. We wrestle and I can give him a run for his money. You guys he aint weak either!, I have great endurance and sometimes that is a lot better than having great speed, I'm pretty witty and I've been told I'm funny and I know I can take a joke better than most. I have great empathy for those less fortunate than me, those who are my friends can count on me and my family can trust that I've always got their back and that my love for them has no limits. I also went on about how successful I've been with my weight loss and how I have inspired others to try and live a healthier life. There was more but you get the gist of it all. Anyway after my run I was feeling so pumped and after a pretty decent breakfast I went in to shower and then I did what I always do before I get in the shower I took a good long look at my naked self and rather than call myself names for the imperfections that I saw I looked beyond them and saw so much more. Rather than seeing the loose skin from the weight I've lost I saw years added to my life and I did see muscle. That loose skin wasn't such an eyesore to me when I saw it through new eyes. It instead became a badge of honor and something while not necessarily attractive something to be proud of. I looked at my face and instead of seeing the tell tell signs of aging, those little lines that are becoming more pronounced as the years go by, I saw sparkly blue eyes that still light up when I see my husband and children, full lips that readily smile and that is pretty cool.  I almost started to cry because for the first time I think I was seeing myself as God and my husband see me. They think I'm beautiful just the way I am and maybe just maybe I beleive that myself.

week summary

So lets cap off the week shall we?

Well on Monday I began counting calories and you know it hasn't been too bad. I'm actually enjoying seeing myself log on to myfitnesspal and get to my calorie goal and exercise goal. I also have a really good feeling about my weigh in on Monday. I need the boost of a good weigh in.

I set a calorie burning goal of 2400 for the week and today I surpassed that. I went over 2700 with the run I did this morning. I was pretty happy. I may or may not take a rest day tomorrow. I've got to mow the lawn so perhaps I will just rest... Back to the exercise grind on Monday though.

Paul left for his TDY yesterday. I miss him already. I get used to him being here and when  he isnt I really do miss him. He annoys the piss out of me at times but hey isn't that what marriage is about at times? We have been together twenty years so I'm sure that I annoy him as well. Hell, I know I do.

I chatted with my Michael this morning online. He is struggling a bit with the things he sees while at war. He told me he is tired of seeing dead people. My heart breaks for him. I wish so badly I could take those horrific images away from his young mind. I just pray that he can get past it when he comes home. He is also still so sad over things with Heather. I could just strangle her. She makes me so mad and I swear that once we have all of his things from her she is going to know just what I think of her.

Today I'm going to go get my toes done and mosey around the mall I think. Other than that nothing much planned. Its a lazy day. My pal Erika is out of town for a week at the beach:( Lucky girl~! Carrie comes home tonight which is great because I've missed her and also because Loris cat is driving me crazy. The damn thing keeps biting me whenever I go over to take care of it. Carrie can help me with it. I don't know why but I just keep thinking , Carrie the cat whisperer!

Chow for now.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Rain, car cleaning and counting calories

seriously folks these are a few of my pet peeves and today I'm getting no rest from any of them. It is pouring outside and looks to stay this way all day. I know we can use the rain and I really have nothing to do but still... I saw on the radar we are in for more of the same weather over the next several days. I've been cleaning my car because I've hinted enough at Paul to do it. He hasn't taken the bait so I was out in the garage this morning getting rid of trash, cleaning inside windows and dusting. I need to vacuum but I have to take it to the car wash for that and with the rain I'm not doing it today. Washing the outside is also a no go until the weather is better. At least the junk is out of it and I should be able to see through the windows now. They were so nasty. I think it had been four months since the windows were cleaned in it. Shameful:( As for counting calories, it sucks but I am doing it. I lose weight when I do and I really need to lose 20 pounds. I feel so fat and if I don't, come winter nothing in my winter wardrobe will fit my fat ass. I took a weight loss calculator and determined that I would like to lose 1.5 pounds per week. I need to exercise 5x a week and burn at least 377 calories each time, eat no more than 1200 calories to do this. Of course if I burn more calories I can eat them if I choose to. It is going to force me to make much better food choices. I lost a lot of weight when I combined calorie/points with WW. Its worth it to do it again.

Paul has staff duty tomorrow night. Then he leaves again for KY on Friday for a week. I'm ok with it but it aggravates me that I feel like these travel dates are just sprung on us. I hate that I have plans that seem solid and then boom, they aren't. Frustrating.

Well I'm going to end this for now but since it is our nations birthday, Happy 4th of July. Please remember that our freedoms come with a cost to service members and their families every day. Thank them if you can for their diligence in helping to preserve our way of life.