Saturday, July 9, 2011

I'm beautiful just the way I am damnit!

I woke up this  morning and went for a run. It wasn't a super long run and it wasn't super fast. I'd say I covered about 4 miles. It took me close to 45 minutes. It was really hot outside even at 7:30 this morning but I was enjoying myself. It hit after I'd actually made it without walking up a pretty significant hill that I'm pretty amazing. More amazing than I give myself credit for. Sure I say I am strong but then I follow it up with something negative and when you think about it that makes it not count ya know. Anyhow as I kept on running I started really focusing on all the things about me that are pretty neat and it just got me to feeling so stinking good. There really is something to this whole positive thinking thing. It's nice of course when someone tells you something nice about yourself but when you can see the greatness that is you well then that is something else. During my run rather than singing along with Eminem (a damn fine poet if I say so) I said affirmations and when I could think of none I repeated those I had already said. Here are a few I came up with: I am strong, really strong. Ask Paul. We wrestle and I can give him a run for his money. You guys he aint weak either!, I have great endurance and sometimes that is a lot better than having great speed, I'm pretty witty and I've been told I'm funny and I know I can take a joke better than most. I have great empathy for those less fortunate than me, those who are my friends can count on me and my family can trust that I've always got their back and that my love for them has no limits. I also went on about how successful I've been with my weight loss and how I have inspired others to try and live a healthier life. There was more but you get the gist of it all. Anyway after my run I was feeling so pumped and after a pretty decent breakfast I went in to shower and then I did what I always do before I get in the shower I took a good long look at my naked self and rather than call myself names for the imperfections that I saw I looked beyond them and saw so much more. Rather than seeing the loose skin from the weight I've lost I saw years added to my life and I did see muscle. That loose skin wasn't such an eyesore to me when I saw it through new eyes. It instead became a badge of honor and something while not necessarily attractive something to be proud of. I looked at my face and instead of seeing the tell tell signs of aging, those little lines that are becoming more pronounced as the years go by, I saw sparkly blue eyes that still light up when I see my husband and children, full lips that readily smile and that is pretty cool.  I almost started to cry because for the first time I think I was seeing myself as God and my husband see me. They think I'm beautiful just the way I am and maybe just maybe I beleive that myself.

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